How do i feel

melancholic
hopeful
worried
motivated
resolved to be disciplined
disciplined
mindful to self-correct
respectful
engaged
attached but un-attached
uncertain
uncertain of my own wants
uncertain of what would be maximally for the best
almost certain that this isn't
vulnerable
practical
loving
wanting to prove my own worthiness to myself
wanting others to eventually conclude that i am valuable to have around
wanting to earn both of those things.
misgiving how much hope to hope and the price of disappointment
a little scared
and a little lost
and a little resolved not to dwell in, and thereby cultivate, the negative
wanting to find myself telling myself "see, it's not that hard."
wanting to be content
wanting to be happy.

this is how i feel, for the moment, this is how i feel.